So this was meant to be a two part update. It looks like it might be going a lot longer. Well, the good news is it is all groundwork for the autobiography that will emerge. Going off timeline a little, someone might be asking what the point is of an autobiography of such an ordinary person. In one of my previous updates I explained how Facebook had deleted my old account with my actual details. I had to use my Business, Prayanak Yoga, to keep in contact with people. I lost a lot of contacts from my hazy days. People who I hoped I could contact to confirm some of the weird crap actually happened in the 90's. Those of you still on my FB friends from Margate might be able to do this for me. The London scene I'm not sure about. For now I will keep things up to date from the Thailand side of things, I still have about 10 years to cover.
I think I left the last part in 2008, with me looking for a suitable piece of land for an organic farm/ yoga retreat. My mind was set on Thailand due to the strong 'visions' I had of this unexplored (by me) country. In retreat I had some of these 'visions' or experiences in my deeper mind with Morocco. I had never been there either, but due to the paranoia in the West over Muslim countries and my heart felt connection to the dharma, I chose to focus on those I was getting surrounding Thailand. In hindsight this might not have been wise, maybe I should have explored the options. But the 12 links of interdependence start with ignorance and I guess this is where I started with this idea also.
2008 was also the year that I met my wife. It was in an online chat room. I had taken to using these because I also knew, from my meditation, that I was in a space where I needed another person to be able to fill what I thought was a gap in my life. Someone who had the same goals as I did and who had strong faith in dharma. I was initially just after a friend who was on the same path but who I felt I could be completely open with. I had explored the idea with friends in the community but this just left me more messed up than ever. At that time I was looking for someone who (as one of my main teachers Chogyam Trungpa has been quoted as saying) would allow me to remove my mask(s). You have to remember that back then this was how I felt. There were a few relationships that I had where, in my ignorance, I was looking to them to somehow give me some satisfaction in my dharma practice. This was also a struggle as I was trying to fit my vows (remember I clung to the idea that I was the monk who was not a monk) into a relationship. Trying to find my own way to spiritual bliss (I can hear Trungpa's words cautioning me as I write this).
A lot happened in 2008, I also had the last few weeks in the most precious place that was deep in my heart. One of the places that supported me from a life of daily inebriation back from being a teenager and into the late 90's (to come another time) into more stable times in this millennia. I did a lot of Chod practice that year, which I didn't manage to regularly do again until 2015, although my life has been a constant offering and cutting to attachments in the phenomenal world. I will cover all this one day, hopefully in the blog, but definitely all the details in my autobiography. I'm not yet sure when to present my male stripper years, I am trying to be as open as possible, the amount of craziness that happened back then though will most probably shock most readers and really should be left in a book and not on the web. But who knows, if I drink enough coffee one morning that part of my life might also emerge online.
I think I left the last part in 2008, with me looking for a suitable piece of land for an organic farm/ yoga retreat. My mind was set on Thailand due to the strong 'visions' I had of this unexplored (by me) country. In retreat I had some of these 'visions' or experiences in my deeper mind with Morocco. I had never been there either, but due to the paranoia in the West over Muslim countries and my heart felt connection to the dharma, I chose to focus on those I was getting surrounding Thailand. In hindsight this might not have been wise, maybe I should have explored the options. But the 12 links of interdependence start with ignorance and I guess this is where I started with this idea also.
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| Balancing Therapy with Indian Head Massage |
2008 was also the year that I met my wife. It was in an online chat room. I had taken to using these because I also knew, from my meditation, that I was in a space where I needed another person to be able to fill what I thought was a gap in my life. Someone who had the same goals as I did and who had strong faith in dharma. I was initially just after a friend who was on the same path but who I felt I could be completely open with. I had explored the idea with friends in the community but this just left me more messed up than ever. At that time I was looking for someone who (as one of my main teachers Chogyam Trungpa has been quoted as saying) would allow me to remove my mask(s). You have to remember that back then this was how I felt. There were a few relationships that I had where, in my ignorance, I was looking to them to somehow give me some satisfaction in my dharma practice. This was also a struggle as I was trying to fit my vows (remember I clung to the idea that I was the monk who was not a monk) into a relationship. Trying to find my own way to spiritual bliss (I can hear Trungpa's words cautioning me as I write this).
A lot happened in 2008, I also had the last few weeks in the most precious place that was deep in my heart. One of the places that supported me from a life of daily inebriation back from being a teenager and into the late 90's (to come another time) into more stable times in this millennia. I did a lot of Chod practice that year, which I didn't manage to regularly do again until 2015, although my life has been a constant offering and cutting to attachments in the phenomenal world. I will cover all this one day, hopefully in the blog, but definitely all the details in my autobiography. I'm not yet sure when to present my male stripper years, I am trying to be as open as possible, the amount of craziness that happened back then though will most probably shock most readers and really should be left in a book and not on the web. But who knows, if I drink enough coffee one morning that part of my life might also emerge online.
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